Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Learning to Cope

Davon Daniels Professor Moss English 1500 11/20/12 Draft 2 Learning to Cope Just about everybody has lost that one individual that they truly care about and they realize that everything can change suddenly. Passing is a surprising event that could once in a while have enduring mental and physical consequences for individuals. In the make light of the Aisle by Patricia Leigh Gaborik a little youngster Katie and her family are figuring out how to adapt to the passing of their cherished one.People handle the demise of a friend or family member in various manners, and Katie attempts to deal with the passing of her dad by clutching all the great recollections she had of him. Not exclusively is Katie profoundly influenced by their lost however the remainder of her family is figuring out how to adapt to their lost by taking on various jobs when he pasts. The dad is a representative character in this play since he is the stone of their family, since he is solid and trustworthy. Each characte r in the play encounters various clashes and changes in their relationship in the wake of losing the individual they all cherished the most.One strife experienced in the play is the connection among Katie and her mom when the demise of Katie’s father. Katie and her mom don’t have the best relationship and now and again it appears that Katie wishes that she would’ve been in the auto crash with her dad. This is a contention since it appears as though Katie may censure her mom for the demise of her dad for causing him to go out while she remained at home and dealt with Katie. This causes a great deal of strain among Katie and her mom since she additionally feels just as the demise of her dad would likewise be her fault.At the finish of the play Katie and her mom seem, by all accounts, to be nearer to one another and her mom even apologizes for the things she’s done previously and discusses Katie’s father. This is significant in light of the fact that following quite a while of not so much talking about him it shows that their mom is simply beginning to adapt to his demise. Her mom states in the play â€Å"I realize you generally figured I did everything wrong† (pg. 251). This shows despite the fact that she knows they didn’t have the best relationship in the past that she’s attempting to be there for her and just needs the best for her.Katie and her sibling Joe has a normal sibling and sister relationship they contend a great deal and yet they care for one another. On occasion Joe even calls his sister Katie a rascal yet at the same time offers to get things done for her. The demise of their dad changed their relationship on the grounds that Joe is by all accounts the individual that presently holds the family together. This gives off an impression of being Joe’s method of adapting to his father’s demise since he feels as though he must be solid for both Katie and his mom and assume the new job of the man of the house. Joe: â€Å"What d’ya think?!Mom! The music’s began! You need to get to your seat! Aw, mother. I advised you not to state that stuff. You said it, didn’t you? You’re crying! Please! Cheerful. Upbeat! It is safe to say that you are cheerful? Obviously, she’s upbeat. Everybody’s glad. It’s a glad day. Let’s go! Let’s go! This statement is an extraordinary case of how Joe keeps everything together as everybody starts to breakdown; he speaks to the new stone and quality of their family. Katie’s relationship with her dad is the most significant in light of the fact that out of everybody in their family she had the nearest relationship with him.A significant clash in the story is that Katie after these previous years despite everything can deal with her father’s demise. On her big day as she’s planning to stroll down the passageway she in dreams herself having a discussion with he r dad and thinking back pretty much all the great recollections they shared. Katie says â€Å"I don’t comprehend you’re expected to be the one I can check on† (pg. 247). This statement shows that despite the fact that Katie may not so much get over the passing of her dad however she is gradually arriving at where she is figuring out how to manage it.At the finish of the play the discussion among Katie and her mom causes her deal with the demise of her dad since that was first time that they have really had a discussion about him. Somebody who hasn’t lost somebody they truly care about may not know how it feels sincerely to conquer the passing of somebody they love however demise is difficult to get over and not every person gets over it rapidly. The general subject of these contentions is that everybody figures out how to adapt to the passing of somebody in their own particular manner and at their own time. For Katie the wedding gives her beginning a fres h start for her as well as for her family also.

Saturday, August 22, 2020

im a mosaic, my mosaic free essay sample

Envision a saffron-hued robed Buddhist priest scoring to uproarious music being played by lean, wavy haired young men in a dull storm cellar in Brooklyn. This picture is one of the numerous that portrays the different boundaries throughout my life. My name is Nimesha and I’m a Sri Lankan-American who cherishes free examples and watches old SNL productions. The best thing my folks have accomplished for me directly in the wake of giving me life was bringing me up in New York City. This city has given me the opportunity to communicate my actual character while as yet letting my legacy course through my regular day to day existence. Somewhere down in the enclaves of the Lower East Side, I’m encompassed by raggedy high schooler fashionable people, who after chain smoking a cigarette for 15 minutes, influence and bounce and shake to music that can be depicted as a thousand Gameboys playing immediately. Goodness, how one can smell the high schooler anxiety noticeable all around. We will compose a custom exposition test on im a mosaic, my mosaic or on the other hand any comparative point explicitly for you Don't WasteYour Time Recruit WRITER Just 13.90/page It’s during conditions such as this when I don't mull over my parent’s emphasis on me returning home early or reading for math class. The commotion keeps on playing and I’m in the group. Hopping. Shouting. Imploring. I am presently sitting leg over leg on a saffron hued pad on the highest floor of the Buddhist Vihara in Queens that I have been going to for as long as 17 years of my life. The priests are arranged against the divider and everybody is looking towards the humongous Buddha sculpture before the room. With my eyes shut, I start to recite. My religion draws out another side of me, a progressively solemn, careful being, who most likely would be increasingly lucid in different circumstances, if consistently as loose. Things that worry me incorporate math, young men and my stunning guardians. No truly, they are very dazzling! Despite the fact that we do get into our quarrels, I am beginning to comprehend what they are used to. I used to stigmatize their emphasis on my contemplating harder and remaining at home. Be that as it may, presently I’ve acknowledged the amount they relinquished for me to get superb training and a magnificent American life, all because of an ongoing migration legal dispute. My folks missed their mothers’ burial service only so there was no danger of returning the US so I could remain at HSMSE and I just got a 70 in my math class that term. They have not seen their kin in more than 30 years yet I here and there miss schoolwork and warm the soccer seat. This reality happened to me after my mother’s migration meet. From that point forward, my viewpoint of my life is unique. I’ve have had stunning encounters throughout my life that could never have occurred if my folks had not had any desire to remain in America to severely. I reserve the privilege to free discourse and the option to take an interest in my legislature. I have the chance to go from living in a two room, one story condo to living in the White House. I can even group surf one night, and offer blossoms in a Buddhist sanctuary the following! My New York is even extraordinary at this point. I don’t simply observe calfskin tights and Nike Dunks as a portrayal of my youthfulness. Rather than concentrating on the nightlife, I presently welcome that I am developed in a magnificent network of social dispersion. My New York has gotten a mosaic. As the truism goes, â€Å"my food merchant is Korean, my store man is Israeli, my clothing fellow is Chinese, my preferred coffee shop proprietor is Greek and my preferred falafel fellow is Egyptian.† This assorted variety is the thing that I’ve grown up with and gained from. I see the magnificence in this liberality and I grasp it. Truth be told I consider it to be a significant apparatu s to my greatest advantage for my future. In spite of the fact that I have not generally settled on the best options, as not making a decent attempt as I could in school, presently I am completely prepared to take advantage of the lucky breaks my folks have made conceivable to me. My energy for International Relations makes me need to locate the best school program and work my hardest at it. My ongoing acknowledgment is an immense inspiration to assist me with prevailing in a difficult scholarly condition. I need to have the option to include the resilience, care and good faith I have gained from my encounters to the networks I will participate later on, regardless of whether it is my school network or the universal network as a future compassionate or legislator. For the time being, I am carrying on with my life vivaciously with the information that I myself am a mosaic. I am a result of worldwide, present day, customary, scholarly and sympathetic impacts. I am anticipating bringing the best of the various parts of me to any place I go throughout everyday life.

Saturday, August 8, 2020

MindMeister Goes Live at TEDxAmsterdam

MindMeister Goes Live at TEDxAmsterdam Since it’s creation in 1984, the TED events have been all about “Ideas Worth Spreading”. Realizing that they couldn’t be everywhere all the time, the TED group established the TEDx program, which allows private individuals to organize, design, and host events that are meant to provide attendees with a TED-like experience. Tomorrow, another TEDx event will be taking place in the Dutch capital city of Amsterdam. Similar to other TED events that take place around the world, the TEDxAmsterdam event has a full schedule in place with speakers ranging from the Minister of European Affairs to the President of Programming and Development at MTV. In all, 450 option and business leaders from all walks of life will be attending the event hosted at the Royal Tropical Institute. Since many a good idea have come out of previous TED events around the world, the TEDxAmsterdam organizers are going above and beyond to ensure that even those that could not attend the event in person will be able to share the experience. Live Mind Mapping at TEDxAmsterdam Courtesy of MindMeister Even though we’ll not be physically at the event, MindMeister has been selected to take part in the TED experience. Throughout the day, selected speakers will have their talks mind mapped in real time using our software service. The live mind mapping team includes Alexis van Dam from hypershifters.com, Ronald Vijfhuizen of WorldofMinds.com and Jerre Lubberts from aHaCoaching.nl. Our Dutch partners will be constructing mind maps of these talks live, and theyll not only be projected around the event for all participants to view, but also live streamed at http://www.mindmeister.com/TEDxAmsterdam2009 for the entire world to tune in. Should you not be able to tune into any of the live mind mapping events, we’ll be archiving the content on the above URL for future reference and viewing. Many thanks to the live mind mapping team in Amsterdam, and a sincere ‘enjoy!’ to all speakers and attendees at tomorrows event!

Saturday, May 23, 2020

Are Identities Do Not Exist A Vacuum - 1321 Words

Identities do not exist in a vacuum. They are thrust upon us, formed and reinforced through all manners of social pressures but, in particular, through consumption itself, as well as how we consume. This is particularly true for the binary way in which gender is defined – ouridentities as â€Å"male,† â€Å"female,† or otherwise. Our possessions, things, come to have personal significance and meaning to us and how we exist in this world. More than that, we come to view people the same way we view a product – one more thing to be consumed and added to our collection. This system does affect all genders, but in many ways does seem stacked against femininity or gender non-conformity. Moreover, the commodification of women and women’s bodies has been normalized to such an extent so as to be made out to be feminist in its own ways – one needs to look no further than the porn industry or sex work, or the rhetoric which suggests to women that all th ey need to do to subvert patriarchy is to put on some makeup, go out, get drunk, and sleep with whomever they want. This brand of liberal â€Å"choice† feminism seems to free women from the bonds of the expected and from society, and yet it simply is a form of control that comes from within, rather than from some governing body. Empowerment is important in its own ways, but it is served to the public as a soporific, something to distract from the systematic discrimination and objectification of women, and prevent any sort of criticism on the matter. ItShow MoreRelatedThe Murder And Serial Killers960 Words   |  4 Pagesif you sleep next to this person, don’t do it. Hire a hitman -- that’s why they exist. Killing a stranger. Get to know your stranger VERY well. Make sure you gather STRONG knowledge of the stranger’s family and closest friends. Additionally, knowing the ins outs of the stranger’s daily routine can help you avoid potential dangers when murder time is approaching. If your stranger is out of state or overseas, hire a hitman. The evidence will be slim. A vacuum can be your life saver. If the murder shouldRead MoreThe Colonialism Effect Of Africa1002 Words   |  5 Pagesentangled in a world that does not understand it? How do you piece a story that is lost in literal transit? Yet displacement will always remain as a struggle for African Diaspora. Individuals that share the same interest in discovering their roots before colonialism raped them of their identity. According Stuart Hall, a cultural theorist, Hall acknowledges identity, â€Å"It belongs to the future as much as to the past. It is not something which already exists, transcending place, time, history and culture.†Read MoreWhat New Factors Contribute For Prolonging Conflict Dynamics?1127 Words   |  5 Pagesand religious affiliation are the two highest ranked identity makers for a vast majority of Nigerians than other indices such as state, national, ECOWAS and African identity†. His research revealed that â€Å"northerners are more inclined towards religious identification, and southerners are likely to rank ethnicity first, ethnicity was discovered to be the second highest ranked identity country-wide after religion, with state and national identity coming third and fourth, respectively† (Ellsworth, 1999)Read MoreVenipuncture: Blood and Vein1565 Words   |  7 Pagesproper protocol to identify the patient make positive identification of the patient by check ing hospital armband for patient’s name and hospital number. Make sure the name and number correspond with the request label. When possible the patient’s identity should be verified by asking the patient to identify him or herself. Any discrepancies must be clarified before the puncture is performed. If the patient is not wearing an armband, tell the nurse you are not permitted to draw the sample until theRead MoreThe Plot Of The Classical Detective1314 Words   |  6 PagesKim utilizes tone and a nonlinear narrative structure to parallel Suzy’s confused mental state in The Interpreter. Because Suzy struggles to understand where she fits between both her American and Korean cultures, she must search to find her own identity and simultaneously search for the answers to her parent’s unsolved murder. Kim thus allows for her detective novel to have another dimension: in addition to investigating the crime, Suzy must investigate who she is as a human being. SuzyRead MoreWhat Triggers Could Cause The Outbreak / Further Escalation Of Conflict?1329 Words   |  6 Pagesand religious affiliation are the two highest ranked identity makers for a vast majority of Nigerians than other indices such as state, national, ECOWAS and African identity†. Ellsworth research revealed that â€Å"northerners are more inclined towards religious identification, and southerners are likely to rank ethnicity first, ethnicity was discovered to be the second highest ranked identity country-wide after religion, with state and national identity coming third and fourth, respectively† (EllsworthRead MoreThe Ethics Of Identity And Choice1559 Words   |  7 Pagesconcerning how identity and choice interact. However, Kwame A. Appiah puts forth an account of identity in his book The Ethics of Identity (2010) that sheds light on how one’s choices may be effected by the identities they chose. The following will describe Appiah’s view o f identity and how it influences choice, and conclude by providing commentary concerning how effective Appiah’s account of identity is and how it can be improved. Appiah (2010, p. 22-24) uses the term collective identities to defineRead MoreThe Social Responsibility Of Business932 Words   |  4 PagesA corporation does do business within a vacuum; rather exist as part of larger collective framework of society, stakeholders and a global business community. I believe that corporations which are profitable, and promote moral and ethical standards are the benchmark of success; additionally, corporations bear a great social responsibility to the society it exists within, an simply working within â€Å"the basic rules of society, both those embodied in law and those embodied in ethical custom† is not enoughRead MoreWho Is Really For Africa?914 Words   |  4 Pagesthat sook after African countries gained freedom there were power struggles orchestrated from withing or by external forces.what we see now in Syria,Iraq and Afghanistan is as a result of this madness.when America and England Iraq they left a power vacuum that soon after they lef t the country warring factions started attcking each other in hope to gain the polo all victory. In third world countries even in the so called civilized country s political power is a means to and end.if it wasn t no oneRead MoreOrganizational Culture: Analysis of the Views of Schein and Kouzes and Mico783 Words   |  3 Pagesartifacts and rituals all contributing to what we define as corporate values (Schein, 1992). Further, Schein sees corporate culture as essentially consisting of three communities: executives, engineers, and operators. Essentially, these three groups do not really understand each other very well, resulting in misalignment, miscommunication, and a lack of efficiency that can hurt any organization. In fact, Schein believes that organizations will not learn, and will ultimately fail, unless they realize

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Essay about Respect Over Passion in My Antonia by Willa...

Respect Over Passion in My Antonia Throughout the book My Antonia by Willa Cather, there is a twisting and turning of Sexual and Gender issues. There also tends to be a tension surrounding the different classes between the Black Hawk towns people, and what are called, the hired girls or the people from the country. These distinctive qualities in this novel start being shown in the very beginning or the story where Jims best-friend speaks about the life of Jim and the path with whom he chose to travel. We watch the love of Jim grow farther and farther distant due to the inevitable tensions of classes, sexuality, and gender. In the beginning of the story when Antonia and Jim are still becoming acquainted†¦show more content†¦Jim says after seeing Antonia for the first time in eight months, She had come to us as a child, and now she was a tall, strong girl...She wore the boots her father had so thoughtfully taken off before her shot himself, and his old fur cap.(pg.79) This is what Jim said she looked like. He really accentuates that Antonia was wearing her fathers clothes, masculine of course. Jim says, She kept her sleeves rolled up all day, and her arms a throat were burned as brown as a sailors. Her neck came up strongly out of her shoulders, like the bole of a tree out of the turf. One sees that draught horse neck among the peasant women in all the old countries.(pg.79) The reader begins to see the changes in Antonia as well when she speaks. She starts to talk of things that only men in those days were known to do. For example she says to Jim, Jim, you ask Jake how much he plough ed to-day. I dont want that Jake get more done in one day than me. I want we have very much corn this fall.(pg.79) Jim says that, Tony could talk of nothing but the prices of things, or how much she could lift and endure. She was too proud of her strength.(pg.81) We see the changing of places between Antonia and Jim once again. We see Jim going to school and Antonia staying and doing farm work. This scene represents aShow MoreRelatedNaturalism and Regionalism Defining through American Literature1470 Words   |  6 Pagescharacteristics of a specific region. Bret Harte and Willa Cather are regionalist authors who use the setting to put emphasis in their stories. Furthermore, Mark Twain is a naturalist writer. Twain attempts to use lower class citizens to get across a bigger point. Harte also uses minorities. However, he focuses on how the region changes these poorer citizens. Lastly, Willa Cather and Mark Twain both have their characters in pursuit of something. Cather h as her characters pursue intangible objects whileRead MoreWilla Cather s My Antonia1932 Words   |  8 Pages In her novel My Antonia, Willa Cather, while writing in a sexist time, calls attention to the power of the female in life and society through Antonia, Lena Lingard, Tiny Soderball and Frances Harling and accentuates and celebrates the significance of the matriarchal world by use of Jim Burden as the narrator. Jim holds an enlightened consciousness of the female because, after spending most of his life with these women, he sees how they started with nothing ended with a successful life. In a time

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Want and Marginal Places Free Essays

The Value of Marginal Places In the essay â€Å"In Praise of Margins† by Ian Frazier, Frazier mentions that the world is a place where adults tend to get caught up in. They do not realize that what they need is that place to breath. He says that marginal places and activities, when he was a kid, were a waste of time, but once he was older and saw his child have their marginal â€Å"moment† playing, in the steam instead of fishing, he realizes the importance as an adult. We will write a custom essay sample on Want and Marginal Places or any similar topic only for you Order Now He mentions that we all have a place as a child that we would like to go back and let go of all our responsibilities. Frazier uses the word margin, this word that Frazier uses, has a negative and positive tone and he explains the time spent in the woods. Frazier states that the definition of margin is a blank space around a body of type or border of a piece of ground. It’s adjective meaning has a negative tone to it; minimal for requirements, almost insufficient. As Frazier uses marginal to describe what he did in the woods as a child, he grew up to realize how important these â€Å"marginal† places had so much value. As a young boy Frazier, mentions â€Å"the woods† as places where he and his friends would play at all day. Exploring and possibly be lost in the hours of fun they would have ad most importantly, no worries. Exploring things as they go playing along the trees, maybe even being some sort of character or action hero from his time. As Frazier got a little bit older he one day realized that his time spent in the woods was becoming childish and foolish. He eventually stopped going to this place, that as a child was almost like a sanctuary or a place of acceptance to be him-self freely. When Frazier was in the seventh grade he came to asked himself â€Å"What are you doing? † or maybe â€Å"why we are here? † He notices that some of his friends started to not dress appropriately to climb trees and play because of the penny loafers the wore. I am sure this was for the girls they were trying to impress as they get older. As they had other things happening in life that bounded them from going in to the woods, and somehow forgot about it they really never decided to go back and play. But from my understanding, in high school they went back to the woods one day, where they had this sense of ‘’there is nothing here for us anymore† or â€Å"why did we waste our time here as kids†. I am sure high school, girls and school dances had the memories of â€Å"the woods† faded deep in their memory. They realized that they are all grown up and have no need to be there. Frazier must have thought of all the childish senseless things they did being in the woods for hours, just wasting time that they did not know of or care for because they were children. I mean they didn’t have responsibilities as children they didn’t have to work and take of others. I guess that was the good thing about marginal places. For Frazier, when we took his children to go fishing, they sort of did not want to go fishing and instead played in a ditch. Frazier did not have a heart to tell them to stop; instead he realized that this was a marginal place his children will one day grow up turned this ditch in into a marginal place. Just like when Frazier was a child and did not know this was a marginal place he sees that with his kids, and realizes the value of having a marginal getaway. In my opinion, I agree with Frazier’s ideas that â€Å"marginal† activities and places are valuable. Marginal places are also a way of making oneself a better person. It’s a place to think and relax from the worlds’ needs and wants. Of all the places in the world everybody has their own marginal area. Mine so happens to be at Fontainebleau State Park in Mandeville, Louisiana. As a child my parents would pack up the car and head over across the lake every Saturday if the weather permitted. This place had a pool, walking trail, barbeque pits and most importantly a beach, not a five star beach but to a 6 year old it was. I would walk along the shore where the water would meet the trees and I would pretend it was undiscovered land. I still go back to this day, monthly and it’s still the same feeling I get, a breath of fresh air. This is what Frazier wants people to know about having marginal places and doing activities, they are not bad places, everyone needs a break from the a world that moves at fast pace. In Conclusion Frazier wants people to know that having a bit of time to youself is okay. Everyone has an escape, whether if it is an old place as a kid, a cartoon you use to watch or even the music you use to listen to. Marginal does not have to be in a negative use. In some cases like Frazier it was a good thing, sort of almost like a re-evaluation of life and I am sure he doesn’t regret playing in the woods as a child at all. Ian Frazier looks to the woods as a safe and happy place. I am sure he wants us to remember the marginal place we had as children also. How to cite Want and Marginal Places, Essay examples

Friday, May 1, 2020

God And Doubts Essay Example For Students

God And Doubts Essay Mommy, Ive killed God. You wanted a scar; there it is, plain as day(no two-level, deep meanings attached). My scar isnt external, nor, do Isuppose, is it internal. Heck, I dont know what it is but all my life I knowits been my scar, my burden. I have a problem with Christianity. But I dontshow disrespect to those who choose to follow it (unless they try to imposetheir beliefs on me), and I dont force my thoughts on anyone (you are choosingto read this). You want sex, intoxication, violence, incest and death? Read theBible! Though, on second thought, maybe you should stick to Lost Souls byPoppy Z. Brite, its much better. I killed God when I was still little; no onemade me. Or maybe they did! Maybe the couple hours a week of religious educationfor ten years did, maybe it was the bible passages they told a room full ofsix-year-olds, because no matter how pretty the stories they told us were, Ialways knew they were just easy answers. Gods love is boundless, God forgivesall, and it doesnt matter if you dont love Jesus, because Jesus loves you. Isnt that nice? But wait a minute, then sin comes into it. If you sin, eventhough Gods love is infinite and he will forgive all, sorry sucker, youregoing to hell. Unbelievable? Here, let me explain. You may think Now thatsokay, God forgives me; Im going to heaven. Yeah right! Youre blocking thehitch thats always associated with something thats too good to be true; theBible says that all men are sinners. So whats a girl to do? It seems youregoing to be going to hell anyway. And who is going to end up in heaven if theserules kick in? Id much rather live in hell with my friends, thank you verymuch. It sounds like youd get some pretty weird little guys in heaven. I thinkIll leave them to it. On the flip side, we dont need to worry about going tohell; were all going to heaven! Yeah! Because of Jesus, who by the way was bothGod and Gods only son (and this guy invented mankind? He mustve been prettystoned the day Jesus appeared on the scene). Anyway, guess what? Jesus died forour sins! So n ow we can sin as much as we like and it doesnt matter. Now wasntthat just kind of him? And then you realize that since youre supposed to followeverything in the bible, you have to live both sides at the same time,complicated, huh? Im not even sure I want to go to heaven, because if the bibleis true then God just doesnt seem like a very nice guy. I doubt hed like metoo much. I read the Book of Job and the big man in the sky doesnt exactly comeoff looking too good in this one. It all starts one fine day when the Devil(lovely chap) starts pestering God to prove how faithful one of his followersis. God caves to Devils mind tricks and picks out a random guy who has alwaysbeen a well-behaved Christian. And so, God kills his family, ruins his crops,and plagues him with all sorts of diseases. How nice of God whose, mind you,love is boundless and infinite and you should follow his example. I dont knowabout you but Id rather not. Incase you hadnt noticed Im not your idealcandidate for entry i nto the kingdom heaven. Lets see: Ive had a drink,probably will have sex, taken drugs, swear occasionally, I dont love my enemies(or even my neighbors, for that matter), hate is one of my most frequently usedemotions, and I dont believe in God (now thats a major one!). But thats notthe worst of it because I happen to believe that love transcends gender. Goddoesnt like this, if youre gay, youre not going to heaven. So children repeatafter me; God is a homophobe. Ive not even scratched the surface yet, butsurely you can already see why Ive killed God. Maybe youve begun to understanda modicum of the torment I feel. The blasted torment that I have to carry as ascar on myself for the rest of my life.